She Doesn't Even Know
by Per Amore
Summary: DerMer fanfic...Derek's POV. Derek knows something Meredith doesn't. But will he tell her? Finally updated with chapter 2!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: No...I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Ok...so this came to me randomly. Some of you may be thinking how the heck could this happen? And honestly...I don't know. But it was different...and I like different...so I wrote it.

It's a MerDer fanfic...

* * *

She Doesn't Even Know

He found out today. She's pregnant. His wife told him. And she doesn't even know. How his wife knows but she doesn't, he'll leave at the fact that she's one of the best neo-natal surgeons in the world.

His wife seems to think she's about two months along.

Two months. _Two months._

Two months ago, they were together. Two months ago, they were happy. Two months ago, _he_ was happy.

Two months ago, he didn't feel like he was missing something.

Two months ago, he was in love. And now, two months later, he's still in love.

They're on a walk with Doc. Their walks. He loves these walks. These are the times they don't have to be professional or deal with Addison. They can be "just friends", or they can try. But it's almost as if he knows they'll never be _just _friends. They'll always have that something more.

He's just trying to give a little more. He trying to help her in the way that he can right now. He knows he needs to be there for her, she's got so much on her plate. And now this. And she doesn't even know.

They talk about things. She tells him about some of the things she's going through. And he tells her about the things he's trying to deal with. She's the only one he can really talk to, she gets him. In every possible way.

He wants to tell her now, but how can he? How can he tell her that _she's _pregnant…that he knows? When she doesn't. How can he tell her that the only other time he's felt more excited was when he realized he was in love with her. And then how can he tell her that his wife was the one that figured it out?

They're working on a case together. The woman is pregnant, but she has a tumor in her brain. They don't know if she'll live long enough to have the baby.

She looks so sad as they stand quietly next to each other in the elevator. And she turns to him, "How can we tell her that she's going to die? How do we tell her that she's going to lose her child, her baby? You know, I've always wanted a kid. Maybe not right now, but eventually..."

She looks at him sadly, and he knows what she's thinking. He knows she's thinking that they could have had a kid. He knows because…it's what he's thinking too. The only thing different is, he knows that it's not _could_ have but _will _have. He knows and she doesn't.

The woman died today. She was so upset. He was there for her in the only way he knew how. He was there for her in the way only _he_ could be. He held her tightly and whispered soft things in her ear. And he's so glad they're in this moment. He's so glad, that if the world stopped, he wouldn't have cared and probably wouldn't have noticed. Because he would do anything to stay in this moment.

The days drag on and he feels like he's barely living. He's only truly alive when she's around. And he still hasn't told her. He hoped she would have figured it out by now, but he knows she hasn't because he would be able to tell. He knows her better than anyone else, he knows when something's different. And yet he still doesn't tell her because he doesn't know how. And he still hopes she'll figure it out.

He's very good at being in denial.

She seems a little sick today, and he's worried about her. He tells her she needs to go home, but she insists that she's fine. He sighs and tells her she'll be working with him today, so he can keep a close eye on her. She laughs and tells him to stop being so protective. It's one of their moments. The moments when he forgets Addison, when he forgets all the problems. He's totally wrapped up in her.

"_That seems to happen often," _He thinks to himself.

The only time he ever feels content are the moments with her. The only time he feels happy, really and truly happy, are the moments with her. But every time he feels like his whole world would end if she wasn't there, especially in these moments with her. But before he can let himself be happy, he must forgive his wife. He's working on that. He's working harder than he's ever worked in his entire life. Because he wants to move on, with Meredith. He does love his wife, she gave him 11 years. But he has found true love. That soulmate love that you think only exists in movies. He didn't know what he was missing until he found her. But he let her go, and now he's missing something again.

Except this time, he knows what it is. And it's the most painful thing in the world to watch her leave the hospital knowing he won't be going home with her.

Home.

When he thinks of home, he thinks of her. He feels at home with her, everything feels so right. And now he can't kiss her, or snuggle with her, or tell her how much he loves her. He can't smell her lavender scented hair he loves so much, can't watch her get dressed, can't eat dinner or breakfast with her. He can't hold her hand and kiss her neck. Or have that feeling he gets when her head is resting on his chest while they sleep. He can't feel her head on his shoulder whenever they hug or are pressed together on the couch, limbs entangled. Their bodies so close, they can't tell what belongs to whom.

He misses _her_ most, everything about her. And he can't stand it. He can't stand being apart from her.

They're having a good day. They're not fighting for once and she's not complaining about something. And it appears that this marriage might survive. But that's just the way it appears. He has no passion for her anymore, he has no love. She is now more like a friend who he fights with all the time.

He feels guilty for it not working out, but he doesn't regret it. He's glad that he was a part of his marriage, it taught him many things. But he's glad that it's over. It was time; they were both living a lie. And so they walked out with the dignity they had left. And hope that one day, they could be friends.

He sees her filling out charts. His heart beats faster, and he smiles without any effort- without even knowing that he's actually smiling. His pulse races, his stomach clinches, his heart surges with love and warmth, and he feels like he's living. Just like everytime he sees her. He feels like he can't breathe, but for some reason, he doesn't notice. He's too busy wrapped up in her.

And is it him, or does it appear that her stomach is growing?

She looks up and notices him watching her. She smiles at him slightly with hope, love, but also fear in her eyes.

And he notices that something's different.

_She knows._

So he walks toward her. Toward his everything, toward his world.

Toward his future.

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Alright..so what did you think? hahah crazy huh? how could she not know...but Addison and Derek could? I don't know. It's just no one writes things through Derek's POV and I think that can be really important. I know it was a little clichéish...sorry about that. That's just the way it is. Soooo please tell me what you think! It really means a lot!

I MIGHT write a **SECOND CHAPTER**...but I don't know. It would be about how she tells him and how things end up. SO it's up to you.

A second chapter?  
Leave it there.

You decide.

Thanks!  
Mads


	2. Only With You

**A/N**: Ok…I know it took me forever to get this up. I'm really sorry about that…I didn't have any inspiration for a while. I hope you like it…

Oh…and this chapter is totally dedicated to LAUREN….who was sooo freaking patient with me and made me actually go write this.

**Disclaimer:** Obviously, I don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, I wouldn't be writing this.

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**Only With You**

She looks scared as she walks over to him. And for a second, he is totally lost. Lost in her. He still doesn't know what he's going to say to her, how he will tell her he already knows. She's going to be surprised, and then she'll be hurt. But still how will he explain why he didn't tell her? How will he explain he kept the most important and exciting news from her, leaving her to find out for herself? How will he explain the joy and happiness he felt, only to have it replaced by pain because he isn't with her? And how will he explain that he and Addie are over, and he'll do anything to get her, the other piece of his soul, back?

………………………………………………….

It took him 3 months to get her back. _3 months._ She couldn't believe when he told her that he already knew, and then she couldn't believe that he didn't tell her. She was furious, and then she was hurt. It was horrible to watch how much pain he had put her in when he went back to Addison, so it was horrible for him to watch her being hurt again because he hadn't even had the decency to tell her she was pregnant. But he fought. He fought for 3 months, and he would have fought for the rest of his life until she forgave him.

It took months of flowers and apologies, of smiles and pleads. It took months of him asking her to forgive him and telling her how much he loves her. He tried to show her but she was too hurt. So even though he hated it, he decided she was more than worth it. So one evening, he stood outside her window with a radio over his head, and he asked her to dance.

"I thought you didn't dance."

"I only dance with you."

_Only you  
Can make all this change in me,  
For it's true  
You are my destiny.  
When you hold my hand, I understand  
The magic that you do,  
You're my dream come true,  
My one and only you._

…………………………………………………..

Time passes fast. But when he's with her, he wishes it would stop, so they could have forever. Yet before they know it, she's 8 months along. They've been preparing for months, amazed at how much love they could have for a person who isn't even born.

Until one day, it's time. They're already working at the hospital so they rush up to the pediatric floor. When they're in the delivery room, he holds her close and whispers soft things in her ear, mostly reassuring her she can do this, _they_ can do this. And all the while, she's screaming in pain, squeezing his hand so hard it will most likely fall off if she continues.

…………………………………………………………

She's 8 pounds, 11 ounces and she looks just like her mother, with the exception of the curly, black hair from her father. They decided on Samantha Ellis, wanting to give their daughter a little piece of both their families.

………………………………………………………

He paces back and forth, nervously waiting and preparing for tonight. Tonight's the night, the night when he will ask her to marry him. When he'll ask the love of his life to become his wife. She and Samantha are already his family but he wants to make it official, he wants to make it forever.

He has the day off so he spends it with Samantha at the home they built together while she was pregnant. He looks around their home and admires the life they have made together. And he looks down at his beautiful daughter, who is now 3 months old, and smiles.

"_This is what life is all about," _he thinks.

………………………………………………………..

When she comes home, Samantha is already asleep and he's got everything planned. She looks surprised to find him sitting in the living room, with no TV on, just thinking. He takes her to the back where he's lit candles and there's a radio over to the side.

He tells her how much he loves her, and how much she means to him. He tells her that she's given him his world, and she's made him whole. He talks about their happy memories and their difficulties, and he reminds her that they made it through _together._

And then he gets down on one knee and asks her to marry him. And when she nods fiercely with tears in her eyes, he asks her to dance.

"I thought you didn't dance." She teases.

"I only dance with you."

And suddenly he starts grinning like mad because he realizes that this…this is it. He is it. Meredith is it. Samantha is it.

This is the ferryboats, the elevators, the Thursday mornings, and the amazing sex. This is the last piece of cheesecake, the radio over her head, and the pretending to like his music. This is the breath-taking moments, watching the mist rise over the lake, the way they look at each other, and the kisses filled with so much passion and love that they are the only thing holding each other up. This is destiny, this is home.

This….this is the rest of their lives.


End file.
